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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 25, 2016
ratings: 1

tags: mortician
language: en

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.  Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part.  It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

'I have to show you something you won't believe,' he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed, 'Schwartz is dead?!?! '
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby.  Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!  Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!'

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.  Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary.  We had sex all afternoon.'

'You lying ba * stard!
You've been playing golf!'  
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,' she said.  'Pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue.' she replied.  'The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.'

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this.  I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One cent?' the man thought.

He glanced at the menu and asked, 'How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.  'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied, 'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked, 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?'

The bartender replied,
'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.'

Jake was dying.  His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly, 'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to,' his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted, 'I want to die in peace.  I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know, I know,' she replied.  'Now just rest and let the poison work.
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score: 9.37792

average: 10.0

on: Oct 23, 2016
ratings: 3

tags: Neel
language: en

A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy..

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 @>--and Personal Attention 6.5 ({}), and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 ,MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1. >.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs >:/, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems but it just doesn't seem to work .
What can I do ?
Signed, Exasperated Newly Wed..............:/


✽DEAR Madam,✽

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package ..=D/,
while Husband 1.0 is an operating system =)].

Please enter command:
</3ithoughtyoulovedme.html </3 and try to download
Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically
run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5 ✽

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to 6.1 Boys Night.:>

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 X_X X_X(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.

To summarize - Husband 1.0 is a great program
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7 ♥♥;:*.

=D=))Good Luck Madam!=))=D

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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 21, 2016
ratings: 2

tags: Jokes
language: en

Super insults 😂😄😜😛😝😂😂😂

Smart answer by a female...

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him...

'Nice perfume.....which one is it?...
I want to gift it to my wife..!!'

'Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!'

A letter from a teacher to a parent:

Dear Parent,
Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.

Parent's answer:
Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Don't smell him,Teach him......

Mother to Son:
Who is Aziz Sultan ?
Son : Don't know 😏
Mother : Sometime give attention to study also
Son to Mother : Do you know Chinky Aunty ?
Mother : Don't know
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also

A cute excuse:
Teacher- why are you late?
Student- Mom & dad were fighting.
Teacher- so what makes U late if dey were fighting?
Student- one shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..


Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!! 😄😃😜😝

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop & started working.

Wife: did u drink?????
Husband : no

Wife: Idiot then why are you typing on suitcase

Don't laugh alone. Pass it on 😂😂😂 to your buddies..
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score: 9.64749

average: 10.0

on: Oct 21, 2016
ratings: 10

tags: P()()j@
language: en


Mujhe koi aisa raasta bata
Ke jis per chal kar
Mein tujhe bhool sakoon
Ya phir

Mujhe koi aisi raah dikhlaa
Jis per chaltay huwe
Mein tere saath guzre huwe
Lamhoon ki rafaaqat
Ek khwaab samajh kar
Bhula sakoon
Ya phir

Mujhe koi aisi simt bataa
Jahaan jatay huwe
Mein tujhe na sochoon
Na hi tujhe yaad karoon
Agar aisa koi raasta
Aisi koi raah
Aisi koi simt
Nahe hai tere paas
Tu phir

apne hathoon ki lakeeroon se mitta de mujko,,,,,,,,.

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score: 0

average: 0

on: Oct 21, 2016
ratings: 0

language: en

It all started one lazy Sunday afternoon in a small town near Toronto in Canada.
Two school-going friends had a crazy idea. They rounded up three goats from the neighborhood and painted the numbers 1, 2 and 4 on their sides. That night they let the goats loose inside their school building. The next morning, when the authorities entered the school, they could smell something was wrong. They soon saw goat droppings on the stairs and near the entrance and realized that some goats had entered the building. A search was immediately launched and very soon, the three goats were found. But the authorities were worried, where was goat No. 3? They spent the rest of the day looking for goat No.3. The school declared classes off for the students for the rest of the day. The teachers, helpers, guards, canteen staffs, boys were all busy looking for the goat No. 3, which, of course, was never found. Simply because ………… it did not exist.

*Those among us who, in spite of having a good life are always feeling a “lack of fulfillment” are actually looking for the elusive, missing, non-existent goat No.3. Whatever the area of complaint or dissatisfaction, relationship, job-satisfaction, finance, achievements, …… *An absence of something is always larger than the presence of many other things*

Let’s Stop worrying about goat No.3 enjoy life !!! 😀Please share this small story to inspire and brighten someone’s day.🌞✨✨
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score: 9.17898

average: 9.0

on: Oct 20, 2016
ratings: 1

language: en

Cập nhật video tất cả các giải đấu trên thế giới bao gồm: Ngoại hạng Anh, Serie A, La Liga, Bundesliga, League 1, Worlcup, Euro, Asian Cup


<a href="http://bongdago.com/football-full-match" target="_blank" rel="dofollow">Xem lại video bóng đá</a>
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score: 9.56709

average: 10.0

on: Oct 19, 2016
ratings: 7

language: en

When I reached office, I got a call from my wife..."what is the date today?".

I was wondering..then told her 9th October.

call disconnected...

I was wondering ( rather FRIGHTENED... 😰😥😨)...

her birthday?....... No

...mine............ No...(😬😬😝)

......anniversary.......... no

....... son's birthday .......... no

in laws' bday/anniversary.... no

gas booking........ done

utility payments........done

her uncle who arrives when we want to go out, sqat and kill us and our time.....his birthday... ...no


Why date???

Lunch and evening tea went with spinning questions...🙇🙇🤔🤔

reached home...

Junior was playing in car park...

Asked him....

how is the weather in kitchen? Tornado... tsunami???

Boy told " all normal. Why?"

" your mom asked me..what is the date today in the morning?

Boy smiled and told me...

"I tore some sheets from calendar in morning...

she was confused..


Being husband is a tough job.


Dedicated to all husbands in the world!!

Pass to all the married guys and make them stress free for a minute 👍😂
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 19, 2016
ratings: 1

language: en


Your child cries, your heart aches 😞,
neighbours child cries , your head aches 😬
Your wife cries, your head aches 🙄,
neighbours wife cries , your heart aches😂😂😂
truth no one will openly accept
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 18, 2016
ratings: 2

tags: Black Wolf
language: en

A fox ask a wolf and said :
Hey wolf plz teach me how to live in this life !!
The wolf said : Ok then go jump from that high hill
The fox : but that may break my leg
The wolf : do not worry .. i will catch you
When the fox jumped the wolf has not help him !!
The fox said : why you have not caught me ??
The wolf said : this is the first lesson !! Trust no one !!
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score: 9.48946

average: 10.0

on: Oct 17, 2016
ratings: 5

language: en

"If I Die In A War Zone,
Box Me Up N Send Me Home,
Put My Gun On My Chest,
N Tell My Mom I Did My Best,
N Tell My Dad Not To Bow,
He Will Never Get Tension
From Me Now,
Tell My Bro Study Perfectly,
Keys Of My Bike Will Be his
Tell My Sis Don't Be Upset,
Her Bro Will Not Rise After This Sunset,
Don't Tell My Friends They Are Hearties,
N Start 2 Ask For Parties,
Tell My Love Not To Cry…
"Coz I am A Solider..and I am born to Die"
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score: 9.75406

average: 10.0

on: Oct 12, 2016
ratings: 17

tags: P()()j@
language: en


Jab Yad Ka Qissa Kholun To
Kuch Dost Boht Yad Aate Hein
Mai Guzre Pal Jo Sochon To
Kuch Dost Boht Yad Aate Hein
Ab Jane Konsi Nagri Mei
Abad Hein Jakar Muddat Se
Mai Raat Gaye Tak Jagoon To
Kuch Dost Boht Yad Aate Hein
Kuch Batein Thi Pholon Jesi
Kuch Lehje Khushbo Jese Thy
Mai Sheher-e-Chaman Mei Tehlon To
Kuch Dost Boht Yad Aate Hein
Wo Pal Bhar Ki Narazgian
Or Maan B Jana Pal Bhar Mei
Ab Khud Se Jab B Rothun To
Kuch Dost Boht Yad Aate Hein.

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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 12, 2016
ratings: 2

language: en

Recently what happened very aptly summarised...

Surgical Strikes - Indian Army - We have carried out Surgical Strikes .

Pakistan - There were no Surgical Strikes .

BJP - We did it , we did it . Opposition Parties release the video , release the video .

Rahul Gandhi - Khoon ki Dalali , Khoon ki Dalali .

Arvind Kejriwal - Show the proof , show the proof .

Arnab Goswami -Those asking for proof are traitors .

Salman Khan - Pak artists are not terrorists , govt gave them visas .

Om Puri - So what if soldiers died , we didnt ask them to join the Army .

Shiv Sena - We will not allow Salman Khan's movie to release .

Corporates - We have posted good profits this quarter let us give Diwali bonus to our employees .

Common Man - Suno ji we have a long weekend this Dusshera lets go to Mussorie , for Diwali we can plan for Kerala and New Year has to be in Goa .

Meanwhile the silent Indian soldier stands guard at the Border for you to come back from your long weekend , for you to spend Diwali in Kerala and your new year in Goa . He waits for the political bickering to die down , he waits for peace to return because he knows the only casualty in war will be him , he too has a family behind who waits for him to return so that they too can spend this Diwali with him .
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score: 9.53147

average: 10.0

on: Oct 11, 2016
ratings: 6

language: en

We Cannot Control the Evil Language of Others; but a Good Life Enables us to Disregard them

Taru Dasha Hara is a Sanskrit word which means removal of ten bad qualities within you*: *Ahankara* (Ego)
*Amanavta* (Cruelty)
*Anyaaya* (Injustice)
*Kama vasana* (Lust)
*Krodha* (Anger)
*Lobha* (Greed)
*Mada* (Over Pride)
*Matsara* (Jealousy)
*Moha* (Attachment)
*Swartha* (Selfishness)
Hence, also known as *'Vijaydashami'* signifying *”Vijaya”* over these ten bad qualities.

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score: 9.64749

average: 10.0

on: Oct 8, 2016
ratings: 10

tags: P()()j@
language: en


Aah dil se nikli he abhi abhi,
Koi phaans chubhi he abhi abhi;

Kuch der to sog manane do yaron,
Akhir chot khaayi he abhi abhi;

Rukte nahi hain ye beqarar aansu,
Koi sathi bichra he abhi abhi;

Samjha ke bhi nahi samajhta ye dil,
Jese koi qayamat giri he abhi abhi;

Dard ki hawa chal rahi he har su,
Jese gham ki andhi uthi he abhi abhi;

Mana ke ayegi phir nayi subah Magar,
Ye to koi raat charhi he abhi abhi;

Teri bhi sunu ga lekin kal mere dost,
Aj jese khud se maat khayi he abhi abhi;

Kyun "KHAMOSH" he har gali sheher ki?,
Kya koi anhoni ghati he abhi abhi....

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score: 9.48946

average: 10.0

on: Oct 8, 2016
ratings: 5

tags: Romance
language: en

"A special message for you
of little things sad and blue
you know of what i say...
because you have experienced this way
who is the guru and who is student?
who is teacher and guide?
who is the one must navigate inside?
looking for the answer outside
we will never find
the thruth that we seek
i hear not from you....
is it because that you are also sad and blue?
i surely leave you this way
happy and sad
two imposters just the same
who fight for your attention..."
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score: 9.30162

average: 10.0

on: Oct 8, 2016
ratings: 1

language: en

Love ... is planted and raised with Friendship Love comes softly, and the sharing of joy and sorrow, becomes a great and sweet joy But when love is sincere it is a great friend, and when friendship it is concrete, it is full of love and affection. When you have a friend or passion, two feelings of warmth full of love is love desire ◕❤◕☆☀ HUGS ☀☆◕❤
Who has taught you to live so? To play love, but not to love... To play as with dolls in love, you have played and have thrown again. And what separation for you? You cannot strongly live loving? I loved did not play, I waited and so dreamed... I can only wish to be able to love to you and all to forgive... to be able to give words of love... to forget game... to be able to love!!!
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score: 9.59768

average: 10.0

on: Oct 8, 2016
ratings: 8

language: en

There’s a bakery shop near to our house. Often, on my way back home in the evening, I buy some stuff for the morning breakfast. Today, as I was about to leave the bakery, I met our neighbour Mr. Ajay who himself was leaving the same shop. After the exchange of some traditional greetings, the conversation went like following.

I asked: “What have you bought?”

Ajay replied: “Nothing much , just some patties and some sweets for my wife and children”.

Jokingly, I enquired, “Why so? Hasn't your wife cooked today?”

He said: “No, it’s not like that. Actually today in office we were a little hungry so my colleagues ordered some patties and sweets. Since, I had this at the office I thought to buy some for my family too. It’s not fair that I eat whatever I like at the office while my kids and wife remain bound to eat whatever is cooked at home.”

Confounded with great surprise, I stared at him because I never thought this way before.

I said: “What’s the big deal, ajay? If you eat food of your own choice at the office, your wife and children would also be having whatever they like to eat at home.”

Ajay replied: “Not at all, My wife saves for me from everything there is. Even if someone from neighborhood sends something, my wife first saves some for me and then distributes it among my kids. It would be very selfish if I just enjoy good things with my friends and not with my family.”

Amazed upon hearing this I said: “Enjoying? This bakery stuff is what you think is enjoyment?”

He said: “Whatever ! I dread the time when on the Day of Resurrection I’ll be questioned about this. That I took someone’s daughter into marriage and had fun with my friends while she ate whatever little was available.”

Completely stunned, I couldn’t move my eyes off him while he continued.

“Look, when we get married to someone’s sister or daughter, they are human beings as well. Just like us. They too have hunger needs. They have their desires as well. They too wish to taste lots of delicious foods or foods of their choice, to try different kinds of lovely outfits. They also want to move and travel around. Keeping them caged like a bird, providing them meals twice a day and having a sense of smugness for doing all this is selfishness. And the way we treat the daughters of others is the way our own daughters and sisters will be treated because what goes around comes around.”

His last words shook me to a great degree. I never thought like this before. Concluding the conversation with Ajay I said, “Great! You have made me think from a different perspective.”

I turned back to the shop.

Ajay: “Where are you going?”

I replied, “To buy some ice-cream…actually I had some ice-cream at the office today.”

Ajay and Myself took their respective paths. Ajay was glad to have a positive impact on me. On the other hand, I now, knew how to keep my wife and kids happy and acknowledge all the efforts my wife does for my happiness.

Wives are what makes life beautiful!👸💁

*_No wonder they are called the better half_*
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score: 9.43918

average: 10.0

on: Oct 7, 2016
ratings: 4

tags: Tanvi
language: en


Teri zulfo ki chhaow me main
zindagi guzar du,
Aaja meri baho me sanam tujhe
bepnah pyar du..!!
Duniya ki dhoop tujhko chhu bhi na
Is kadar se tujhpe do jahan main
war du…!!
Main gareeb hu daulat nahi in sikko
ki mere paas
Magar khzane apne pyar ke tujhe
beshumar du..!!
Tere roop me main jau apni zindagi
loota sanam…
Mera bas chale to tujhpe ek bar nhi
hzar bar apni zindgi var du..!!

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score: 0

average: 0

on: Oct 7, 2016
ratings: 0

language: en

We are in the business of helping people in building a better community...the writer MDG is a passionate blogger but also a community leader who had help many in their everyday lives, now our team our on a mission to put up a school for the poor in the mountainous area in our province...by this we are launching our click for a school project mainly for the poor children's of our province.

Please visit and share our site

Click and share for a SCHOOL

Thank for your Concern.
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score: 0

average: 0

on: Oct 7, 2016
ratings: 0

language: en

বন্ধুত্ব একটি পিপীলিকা এবং হাতি ছিল
উভয় একে অপরকে অনেক কথা
লেহন বাদাম ওয়াটস আপ পে একে অপরের পেমেন্ট বার্তা পাঠানোর জন্য
একটি ভাল হাস্য প্রতি সপ্তাহান্তে এই কথা বলতে
একটি পিপীলিকা হাতির কান মধ্যে ছিঁচকে চোর বলেছেন
পিপীলিকা: আমরা বিয়ে করা উচিত
এলিফ্যান্ট: এত তাড়াতাড়ি কেন?
পিপীলিকা: "আমি আপনার সন্তানের সঙ্গে গর্ভবতী নই
Friendship was an ant and elephant
Both talk a lot to each other
Pay lick nut Watts up to send messages to each other
Find a good laugh every weekend to speak
An ant said to sneak into the elephant's ear
Ant: We should get married
Elephant: Why so early?
Ant: "I'm pregnant with your child
एक चींटी और हाथी की दोस्ती हो गई
दोनों एक दूसरे से खूब बातें करते
अखरोट पे चाटीनग करते वॉट्सऐप पे एक दूसरे को संदेश भेज
प्रत्येक सप्ताहांत मलते खूब हंसते बोलते
एक दिन चींटी ने हाथी के कान में चुपके से कहा
चींटी: अब हम शादी कर लेना चाहिए
हाथी: इतनी जल्दी क्यों?
चींटी: ने कहा, "मैं तुम्हारे बच्चे की माँ बनने वाली हूँ

ایک چیونٹی اور ہاتھی کی دوستی ہو گئی
دونوں ایک دوسرے سے خوب باتیں کرتے
نٹ پے چاٹینگ کرتے واٹس اپ پے ایک دوسرے کو مسیج بھیجتے
ہر ویک اینڈ ملتے خوب ہنستے بولتے
ایک دن چیونٹی نے ہاتھی کے کان میں چپکے سے کہا
چیونٹی : اب ہم کو شادی کر لینا چاہیے
ہاتھی : اتنی جلدی کیوں ؟
چیونٹی: نے کہا " میں تمہارے بچے کی ماں بننے والی ہوں
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