A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked,
"What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please. . ." he tried again,"is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He says he can't communicate with me !!" Rate & comment on this.

Tumhare Shher Ka Mausam
Pyara Lge
Main Ek Sham Chura Lu Agar
Bura Na Lge
Tumhare Bs Me Ho To Bhul
Jana Mujhe Tumhe Bhulane Me Shayad
Mujhe Jamana Lge
Hmare Pyar Se Jalne Lgi H Ye
Duniya Dua Kro K Kisi
Dushman Ki Bddua Na Lge
Jo Dubna H To Itne Sukoon Se Doobo Ki Aas Pas Ki Lehro Ko
Bhi Pta Na Lge
Kuch Is Trha Se Mere Sath
Bewafai Kr........ E -Bewafa Ki
Tere
Bad Mujhe Koi Bewafa Na Lge... Rate & comment on this.

Insaan Ki Haqeeqat*
(The Truth about Man's Existence)

INSAAN ki haqeeqat kya hai? Yeh baat samajhna aur samjhana bazaahir aasaan hai aur mushkil bhi.
Kisi ke Ghar jab batcha (yani ladka ho ke ladki) paida ho tow ghar ke badey aur chotey lwg, khush hotey hain; muskuratey hain; aur badhaayi yaan milti ain; dour se aur nazdeek se qarabtdaar bhi milney aate hain ke, bhai, aap ke ghar batcha paida huwa hai! badhayi detey hain! Mithai aati hai ya baanti jaati hai.

GHAR jab batcha paida hota hai tow maan aur baap bahot khush hain; khass kar maan. Haan agarche dekh bhaalne mein zimma daari aur badh hi gayi hogi...lekin eik nayi khushi samjhi jaati hai,...

AGAR chotey nanhey ke badey bhayee ya bahen hoen tow unn koe bhi uss nanhe ya nanhi par bada pyaar aayega...
Aur apne chhotey se bhhayi ya behan ko khushi aur dekh bhaal kar hi pooch kar utthayein ge; maan ki nazraon ke saamne.

Jaise jaise Insaan bada honey lagta hai waise waisey uss ki zimma daariyaan bhi badhtee chalee jaatee hain.

Aur kam sinee bachpan se Jawanee...Jawanee se adhadpan...phir naseeb mein likkhe how tow buddhpa bhi... aur uss ke aage...aur ooncha budhhapa...

Iss dauraan mein Insaan ya manushya kow kayee kayee tamashe dekne aur tamashe banney pardtey hain...ajeeb ajeeb aazmayishon mein daala jaata hai....

Bachpan mein jab khel kood mein jee laga hota hai, tow bola jata hai, "Naheen,yeh sab bandh...school jana hoga..."

Usi tarah Jawanee ke qareeb jab dil ladkaon ka ladkiyaon mein aur ladkiyaon ka ladkaon mein aam lihaaj se huwa karta hai....
kaha jaaney lagta hai...! Naheen,naheen,yeh sab tow bekaar hai....aisa naheen karne ka!
College pardho!! College...! Aur uss mein atche "marks" le aao... taaki atcha "Job" miley...ya phir "baahar" yani bahar ke mulk pardeys mein ja kar Job dhoondna hi hoga. Yeh ladkiyaon ka kya chakkar hai???!Woh sab baad ki cheez hai.And for girls, (ye ladkaon se tumein kya waasta...ladkiyaon ko wida unn ke maanbaap karte hain,bitya!! haan,aisa hi hai...khayaal na karna...) Chalow,...maante hain iss mein inn badaon ki galti bhi naheen wahi dekha dekhi mein lakeer ke faqeer saarey ke saarey wahi kiyey jaatey hain be-chaarey....aur museebat bharney waali saari qaum ki qaum hai...yeh bhi bhool jaate hain ki humm bhi isi julm aur kam-bakhtee se guzrey the...aur bura waqt thaa....:):l
Kya kehna...yaad bhi ab barabar se unhein naheen...ya phir samajhte hain ke "yahi theek hai"
Ab aajkal naya tamasha yeh hai ke "Cross-roads" per culture hai---iss ki aur uss ki dekha dekhi mein mulk deys waley aur hamarey 'culture' waley naheen jaan payey ke "hum kya ker rahey hain?" "kya yeh sab theek hai?" "kya yeh ghalat hai?" idhar ki udhar ki dekha dekhi kertey kerte ek ghamnaak tamasha woh bhironey ka ---ek sher yaad aata hai

na khuda hi mila na wisaal e sanam
na idhar ke rahey na udar ke rahey

Chalo, bachpan gaya,,,...
bachpan ke dost gayey, bachpan ke khel kood bhi gaye...
Jawani gayi...
Jawani ke ishq -o-muhabbat gayi
mashooqayein gayeen...
aashiq e naakam gaye.....
mehboob e natamaam gaye....

Ab raha Job-aon ka silsilaa....
Job dar jo....pehchaanat...recommendations....rishwat...naheen,rishwat naheenkehtey!!///balke kisi koe khush karna kehtey hain!:p(chalo sahi baat hai,yeh sab india hamarey deash ka qissa 'once upon a time" ka hoga aap ka kya gaya???) uss par bhi ek muddat ke baad bekaar si "Job" mili.
Jis ke saath payscale ka aur inflation ka "competition" hoe raha hai,...aur abhi naheen bahot zamaney se .Aksar naheen balke qareeb her baar "inflation waghaira hi jeet letey hain yeh bazi. aur nauker chaaker bas haath maltey huwey aasmaan dekhtey rehtey hain ya phir zameen. Rate & comment on this.

Tell your loved ones that you love them before its too late!

Two butterflies were in love………One day, they decided to play Hide n Seek…….
During the play…..
Boy Butterfly – “A small game within us”
Girl Butterfly – “OK”
Boy Butterfly – “The one who sits in this flower
tomorrow early in the morning is the one who loves
the other one more…..”
Girl Butterfly – “OK”

Next morning, the boy butterfly waits for the
flower to open so that he can sit before the girl
butterfly does……

Finally, the flower opened…..

What did he see…..?????……..

The girl butterfly had died inside the flower…..

She stayed there all night……so that early in
the morning……as soon as she sees him…….she
can fly to him and tell him how much she loved
him……..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rate & comment on this.

Newton's law of gravitation

Physics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn’t that wonderful?

Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn’t have discovered anything.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Rate & comment on this.

Hello friend
======================================
It's very easy to walk away from some one's life..
Remember,
It's very difficult to get back to same life..
when you need them again....
======================================
Time is a rare luxury which can never be purchased at any cost..
So when, someone spends it for you,
It defines the depth of care on has for you...
======================================
take care
with regards
Saleem.................
Rate & comment on this.

I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.

I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain, nor the future with its untold stories. But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I can't keep your feet from stumbling. I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine; Yet I can share in your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge; I can only support you, encourage you, and help you when you ask.

I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship, from your values, from me. I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.

I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you, But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting, But I can cry with you and help you pick up the pieces and put them back in place.

I can't tell you who you are. I can only love you and be your friend.
Rate & comment on this.

Tohafe Mein Mat Gulab Lekar Aana,

Meri Qabr Per Mat Charag Lekar Aana.

Bahot Pyasa Hoon Arso’n Se Main,

‘Jub Bhi Aana’ Sharaab Lekar Aana. Rate & comment on this.

Duniya Kitni Pyaasi Hai Eska Andaaja Esi Se Lag gaya.

Peene Pilaane Ki Baat Kya Chhedi Huzoom Ekattha Ho Gaya Rate & comment on this.

Gururumma,
Guru Whisky,
Guru Vodka,
Ginneshwara,
Gurur Scotcha,
Param Brandi,
Tasmaishri Beer,
Alchoholal Namah… Rate & comment on this.

Jisko Koel Samjha Wo Kawwa Nikla,
Jisko Dost Samjha Wo Howwa Nikla,
Kal Tak Jo Rokte The Peene Se Hamein,
Aaj Unki Jeb Me Powwa Nikla. Rate & comment on this.

जब भी सोचती हूँ तुम्हे
याद तुम्हारे वो अल्फाज़ ही आते हैं
कहते थे तुम जब इन आँखों में देखकर
याद तुम्हारे वो अंदाज़ ही आता है

आज भी जब जाती हूँ यादों के भंवर में
मिलना तेरा बिछड़ना तेरा याद आता है
छू जाती है समीर जब भी मुझे
तो वो तेरा अपनापन याद आता है


देखे हैं ज़माने भर के गम मैंने
हर साँस पर तेरा अहसास याद आता है
क्यों गया भुला कर मुझे तो इस कदर
आज वो लम्हा-ए-जुदाई याद आता है


Rate & comment on this.

Tumhare Chehre Ki Aahat Pe Marte Hai Logon,
Tumhare Chehre Ki Muskaan Se Jeete Hai Logon,
Yeh Ada Hai Ya Husn ‘Masroor’,
Ke Maut Aane Se Bhi Na Marte Hai Logon, Rate & comment on this.

Peene Ki Aadat Thi Mujhe,Usne Apni Kasam De Kar Chuda Di,

Shaam Ko Main Baitha Yaaron Ki Mehfil Main, Aur Yaaron Ne Uski Kasam Dekar Pila Di Rate & comment on this.

Insaan Ki Haqeeqat (contd)
(The Story of The Life of Man)

Jiss ke andar kaam shuroo hota hai :):) sadhe das bajey! Aur aate hi, sab se kaami loug bhi, oopri kapde latka kar "chai" ki dookaan ko paidal tehal kar chaley jaate hain....raaste ki hawa thandi hai; Office mein jab loug ek batcey batchaye "clerk" se poochtey hain, "ke saahab, yeh,aur yeh kaam tha..." tow yeh rahey sahey "clerk jinn kow chowrd diya gaya aur unn ki chaye shayad waheen aaye gi,,,
kehte hai khaas faseeh angrezi mein ..."Concerned Clerk naheen Hai saab..."
Sunney waala sonchta hai..."phir aap? shyad yeh concerned naheen hain,,...."
Khair,,,doosra sawaal:"Kab aayein ge saab??"

"Ab aate hi hoan ge...yaheen gaye, chaa peene"

Ab yeh loag, yani 3 ya chaar clerks jo ke concerned hain, approx 12 bajey waapis aatey hain...:):P:l
Aane par jo kaam rehta woh sunn ker,.. tyori par bal daal ke kehte hain,...yaani concerned clerk...
ke " Iss waqt toe time naheen hai, kyoon ke lunch ka time ho raha hai... sirf aadha ghanta baqi hai...aap 2:00 bjey kyoon naheen aa jatey?"

TOW chaliyey, yeh ek rahi ek Office ki daastaan...waise kaam dheere dheere hi sahi ho hi jaata hai...
Kaheen aap yeh na samajhna ke kaam atka hie rehta hai.

Girte pardte jab aadmi ek se char baar palak jhapak ke hoshyaar hota hai tow maaloom hota hai, ke arey???? ye waqt kidhar gaya??? aur kab gaya??? mein hoon kaon., aur kahaan hain merey fulaan aur fulaan aur fulaan yani 100 se zaayad rishtey daar mein se jow batch gayey the...ek roz yaad aaney lagnte hain...

Satch hai ke jab Insaan chala jaata hai, yaani hamesha ke liyey...tow khamosh rehta hai,...

aur uss ke qaraabatdaar mayoos hotey hain, ya rotey hain....

Part II Rate & comment on this.

whether love be imagined or real it does not alter the way I feel,
pain and disdain my heart can indure as it can heal,
because forever my heart you did steal,
soon I shall be with you and I shall kneel,
propose marriage and this bond forever seal,
I made you're life a ordeal and seem unreal,
so I beg you give me one more chance to make amends and appeal,
I promise to make to make your life fantastic and surreal,
and to fill every minute and hour and day with zeal. Rate & comment on this.

I have sleepless nights
I think a lot but nothing seems right
Dark clouds appear in the sky
I wonder yet at the same time feel shy

I am frightened by clouds
That creates sound very loud
Loneliness adds great woes
Always keeps me in readiness and on the toe

When rain drops make bang on roof
I rush towards window with love as clear proof
Tears just role out as mark of separation
Lot many things surface and raise questions

Sleep has disappeared or gone miles away
as you have chosen the different way
I hear the slow rain drops with thunderous noise
I miss him badly with the gradual reminder of promises

This compels me to swim in sadness
Tears rush up on the gloomy face
It roles out in total defiance
I loose faith in their reliance

I wish you have same memory
That may too cause you worry
You may have few words to say with sorry
But in no way with nice feeling to carry Rate & comment on this.

Engleza filipineză
Filipinezii nu pot pronunţa sunetul F, pe care îl rostesc P. Din acest
motiv, engleza vorbită de filipinezi nu poate fi luată în serios, aşa
cum nu poţi lua în serios un ins de 1,5 m care spune “Pack you!” în
loc de “Fuck you!“. My fav is ” Pipth Avenue ”

Engleza de India
Fixaţi-vă colţurile gurii de lobii urechilor, folosind nişte cleşti de
rufe puternici, astfel încât să imobilizaţi buzele într-un fel de
zâmbet larg. Acum, încercaţi să vorbiţi engleza, pronunţând cuvintele
după următorul algoritm: un cuvânt la 3 secunde, un cuvânt la 2
secunde, trei cuvinte pe secundă, 5 cuvinte pe secundă, 14 cuvinte pe
secundă, un stop brusc, apoi un cuvânt la 5 secunde. După care,
repetaţi. Rezultatul e ceva de genul:
“Good mooo rningSir! Howareyoutoday? I hooope everythingiiiis
finewithyouandyour faaamily, Sir.”

Engleza românească
Cheia de boltă a acestui inconfundabil dialect este grupul THE, pe
care majoritatea românilor îl pronunţă Ză. Dacă vrei să afli din ce
regiune a ţării provine un român, după engleza vorbită, îl provoci să
numere până la trei.
Răspunsurile variază de la “uan, ciu, srii“, până la “oan, tu, trii”
în funcţie de poziţia pe harta patriei a localităţii natale. Un alt
obicei românesc este ca fiecare propoziţie să fie precedată şi urmată
de o pauză lungă, marcată de sunetul ăăă.
“ăăă . you go straight on zis street and after zat traffic light . ăăă
. you go to ză right for about . ăăăă . sărty meters and zen you go to
ză left and you will see . ăăă . ză building zat you are looking for.
May be ză office is not open today, but zey have ză orar . ăăă . ză
program on ză door.”
Rate & comment on this.

Accentul Sud-African

Dacă Texana se confundă cu lătratul unui dulău, engleza vorbită în
Cape Town seamănă cu lătratul unei hiene, care, după cum se ştie, este
un fel de câine mai mare, care se crede cal şi încearcă să necheze.
Inflexiunile cabaline din accentul sud-african nu sunt rezultatul
influenţelor dialectului local Zulu, aşa cum aţi putea crede, ci ale
limbii olandeze, vorbită de primii colonişti ai regiunii. Este evident
până şi pentru persoanele cu disabilitaţi de auz că limba olandeză,
mai curand o boala de gat avansata, nu este ceva care trebuie
amestecat cu zulu, dar inevitabilul s-a produs, rezultatul fiind limba
numită Afrikaans.
Sunt sigur că Dumnezeu s-a distrat copios în ziua aia, iar faptul că
inventatorii vuvuzelei sunt vorbitori de engleză cu accent Afrikaans
pare o consecinţă firească .

Engleza Italiană
Cunoscută şi sub numele de Maccheronic sau Spaghetti English, engleza
vorbită de italieni presupune o condiţie fizică excelentă, întrucât,
la fiecare trei cuvinte, trebuie efectuate câteva flotări în aer. Nu
poate fi vorbită de către persoanele cu disabilitaţi fizice şi nici de
către cei care au mâna în gips sau suferă de febră musculară.
Vorbitorul perfect de maccheronic este capabil nu doar să prelungească
vocalele, ci şi să adauge câte o vocală după fiecare cuvânt. Scopul
final este ca nici un cuvânt să nu se termine în consoană:
“Darlinga, pleasa clooose da doooora anda sita downa on the flooora“.

Engleza germană

Este opusul englezei spaghetti, în sensul că vocalele trebuie
ignorate, iar consoanele pronunţate cu voluptate. Cum se poate
pronunţa voluptuos o consoană? Folosiţi limba ca pe un fel de ciocan.
Ştiu, doare, dar cu timpul o să vă obişnuiţi (pont: stingeţi cu multă
bere bătăturile apărute pe gingii!).
Cea mai violentă lovitură de limbă trebuie dată în momentul
pronunţării grupului TH, care se va rosti ca un T foarte dur (veţi şti
că aţi pronunţat corect atunci când veţi constata o mica sângerare, la
baza incisivilor superiori).
Teoretic, engleza teutonă ar semăna destul de mult cu engleza, dacă
nemţii nu ar pronunţa pe W ca pe V şi pe V ca pe F.
“Ve ar’ valking on ttisss strrre’ttt, aft’rrr a long traf’l by train”


Rate & comment on this.

The moment I met you, I felt something unique inside my heart,
My heart said that you are the one I am finding from years,
Time passes and I was getting you as my lovable partner,
You finished off loneliness and emptiness of my heart,
I feel you all the time; feel your priceless love,
I can’t wait for long; I can’t live without you my baby,
The distance between us is like torture,
Take me in your arms,
I’ll join your soul like flower and its fragrance,
I want you completely in my life,
I really can’t live without you,
Those days are crucial for me,
Now I trust you more than I usually do,
I love you more than I usually do,
I miss you more than I usually do,
I want those days back,
I wish we will be together soon,
Forever,
I can’t wait more, come soon and be mine,
Love you


Rate & comment on this.